Bug Reports/Glitch FAQ

the most entertaining/fucked up things I've done in my quest to make the most stupidly complicated javascript program of all time.


(Links to sessions are for historical use only. If I've done my job, the bug won't be present anymore.)

  • Session: 33 reticentTeacher: *The furryocious Rogue of Heart bats at the tasty looking looking frog, but it doesn't move!* What is happurrening? The game was working pawsitively great until everything froze!

    Huh? Why are you talking like Nepeta if... Oh. Okay, now a better question is: If you ARE Nepeta, why is your chat handle wrong? And, I mean, I guess, why did your session freeze? Let's see...

    Okay...you're a scratch...your hair colors are all weird...and. Oh! Okay, got it! Guys. Did you not get the memo? (Wait, I forgot, nobody reads those things.) You're supposed to be roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls! Not some randos! And PART of roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls is making sure you have a Space and Time player! Sessions don't WORK without those things. ALSO: apparently getting 12 Nepetas to do anything is like herding cats (get it???) 'cause apparently you couldn't agree on who was the leader before entering the session, and that confused the HELL outta the ectobiology system.

  • Session: 159619996 kindredBiologist: uM...kNI6HT OF bREATH HERE, AND WHAT THE FRI66IN6 HELL? i DID ALL THOSE BULLSHIT LAND QUESTS, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT MY dENIZEN IS JUST...NOT EVEN THERE? mY CONSORTS WERE ALL ' YOU HAVE TO SAVE US OH VALIENT kNI6HT', BUT THERE IS NOTHIN6 TO SAVE THEM from AND i AM 6ETTIN6 TIRED OF THEM CONSTANTLY REMINDIN6 ME i HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE QUEST. wHAT 6IVES? mY BRO THE tHIEF OF lIFE 6OT TO SHUT their CONSORTS UP, BUT ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME. iT'S SO ANNOYIN6 i HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THE lAND OF bREEZE AND fARMS IN DAYS.

    Wait. What? Oh. Fuck me. APPARENTLY, I decided to make denizen fights a once-a-session event. For SOME fucking reason. Your Thief of Life got the event, so then it was ineligible for anyone else. And...looking through my git records, this has been like that for-fucking-ever. What the hell, past me, why didn't you fucking NOTICE that denizen fights were fucking rare? Bluh. It's not even a 'once-in-a-thousand-sessions' bug. It literally happend EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED TIME. Geez.

    But, uh. Yeah. It's fixed now. UNFORTUNATELY it has now come to my attention that denizen fights are just, like...WAY too fucking easy. 94% of sessions defeat at least one. Time to calibrate. Huh, lookit that now. Only 50% of session managed to beat their denizen. But that triples the god tier rate (gives players a new source of death besides just other players and Jack). Hurts the overall survival rate though. Eh, time to stop rambling.

  • Session: 125957 killerDevil: Knight o+f Do+o+m here. So+, when I s@y th@t h@ving o+ur Sp@ce pl@yer breed the go+dd@mned fro+g is the o+nly w@y to+ pro+tect o+ur sessio+n fro+m cert@in do+o+m, yo+u'd THINK peo+ple wo+uld LISTEN to+ me. But every time I pester the Thief o+f Sp@ce I get @ 'o+h, it's no+t time to+ do+ th@t, yet', until, big surprise, we h@d no+ fro+g fo+r the Recko+ning @nd we were @ll do+o+med. Fucking hell. This H@S to+ be @ bug. Fix it!

    You know, I HAVE noticed that a surprising amount of sessions just straight up have no frog at all. Like, not not ENOUGH frog, but 0% of a frog. (KR even quipped to me recently that the space player in a session they were debugging must have just been sitting around and eating chips). Looking into it...hrrm. It LOOKS like I'm locking out all players from doing their main quests in the begining. They are supposed to be enjoying the early game, doing bullshit puzzles and moon parties, not stressing out over the main quest, right? But SOMETIMES players never get out of the early game, which is to say, they never level up at all. Looking into it, the sidequests level up the player doing it, BUT NOT ANYONE WHO HELPS THEM. And apparently some players are passive enough to always be helping, and never be in charge. So you could get space players who never were a high enough level to even START frog breeding.

    Good news is it's fixed, and frog breeding should always at least start if the space player is alive and not just fucking around on the moon. Bad news is that somehow the Thief of Space in your session starting frog breeding made events spiral out of control until your leader forgot to do ectobiology. For...some reason. Sorry you ended up MORE doomed.

  • Session: 1025 arachnidsGrip: So. A corpse Knight of Time Time traveled into my house and kicked out my first guardian so he could jump (Acro8aticly too) in the kernel sprite.
    (At the same time:) arachnidsGrip:I gotta point out that 2 Knights of Time decide to join in the session just after we had killed the 8lack king.

    Huh, why did I get two messages from you at the same time??? Oh! That's right, that easter egg session has the same players pre and post scratch. I guess both Vriska's had some complaints. Let's see..

    Okay, PreScratch Vriska, gonna have to declare that awesome. Of course, lively corpses are the Enemy, so I'll add a bullshit line about them only being 'mostly dead' or 'bleeding out' or whatever. You'd be amazed how acrobatic time players can be when they know that getting into that sprite is their only way to stave off death.

    PostScratch Vriska, it's totally not my job to make your time players actually competent. And for all any of us know, Dave had a really important timey-wimey reason for changing something at the last minute (and then apparently undoing his own change?). Or maybe Terezi convinced him to play a prank? Or was playing a prank on him? Who knows, man.

  • Session: 94234250 horrificReveler: oKaY. hOw iS It fUcKiNg fAiR ThAt i mUrDeR ThAt aSsHoLe, ThE MuRdEr mOdE SyLpH Of sPaCe, AnD ThEn tHeY LeVeL Up!? This game is bullshit. Nothing actually matters.

    Yeah, SBURB really IS bullshit. I guess that fighting you, even failing at it, was enough to push them to the next level? SBURB is notorious for letting non-living things level up, though (hats, safes, refridgerators), so a corpse leveling up isn't that surprising. Plus, if/when they revive, it'd make sense that they wouldn't have sudden amnesia of your fight, right? So experience gained is experience gained.

    Sorry SBURB being bullshit was enough to make you grimdark, though.

  • Session: 164823 bestSiren: um. so. i'm the bard of space and i beeped up. grandmasprite told me that i had the most important role, and so i buckled down and bred frogs like there wasn't a tomorrow. until it turned out there really wasn't a tommorow? or a yesterday, either? apparently i was supposed to do something called 'ectobiology'? and i guess i could accept being in a doomed timeline, except the horrorterrors on derse always whisper congratulations about my session going 'better than expected' whenever i'm asleep? i'm getting tired of their sarcasm.

    Um. What? Oh shit! Fuck. That is entirely on me. See, I...well...fuck how to explain this without giving away...

    Okay, let's say that THEORETICALLY sessions that go "better than expected" are really important to the Observers. For reasons. And, let's further suppose that I made sure the AuthorBot could guide them to these sessions. Aaaand just maaaybe, I forgot to tell her that ectobiology is important? So she's all bringing people to sessions confidently claiming they are great just because nobody stayed dead and also they finished frog breeding.

    I'm really sorry about you guys being doomed, but at least you shouldn't have to worry about confused HorrorTerror tourists anymore? I've explained to AB that a session didn't have a happy ending unless it was also not doomed.

  • Session: 210507 majesticViniculture: um. mage of void )(ere. w)(y... w)(y did )(orror terror5 take over all my freind5 rig)(t after i managed to exile t)(e queen? t)(at...t)(at i5n't, like, )(ow t)(e game work5 rig)(t?

    Holy shit do you guys work fast. You managed to exile the queen before the last player was even in the session!? Major props. But...it turned out that SBURB was trying to activate a prototyping for the Queens RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD, and you had already destroyed it...and that provided enough corruption to the session to let the HorrorTerrors in. My bad.

    On a side note, I'm not gonna take your props away or anything... but I kinda just noticed that you were exiling a corpse...after Jack had already stolen the ring. Huh. Better make sure you can't destroy a ring that's currently in the possesion of the stab-master. I still maintain that corpse exiling is a valid tactic. The easiest way to never turn your back on the body is for there to be no body in the first place.

  • Session: 210507 surlyButler: oH, um, i THOUGHT HE KILLED HER!? i THOUGHT jACK KILLED THE bLACK qUEE^!? vvHY Iz zHE here, vvHAT Iz vvRO^G vvITH HER!? vvHY...vvHY vvO^'T zHE die!? oH GOD, i'M THE O^LY O^E LEFT. oH GOD...

    !!! oh fuck! Oh shit. What the hell!? You'd think saving you from the 'trying to prototype a null ring' crash would be a GOOD THING? FUCK. I KNEW I had a problem with zombie plaeyrs, but a ZOMBIE MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN!? Fuck. Okay. Um. I'm on it. (and this is why we don't turn out back on the body).

    eheheh...so...funny story. It turns out I didn't expect you guys to EVER fight an uncrowned Queen. What would even be the point, right? So...a queens HP is basically just her ring? And without the ring...she has...NO hp (or at least, no currentHP)? Yeah. That's fixed. That should ALSO stop her from rising from the grave in the first place. The system didn't count her as "dead" because her HP wasn't zero. It wasn't...anything.

  • Session: 86244871 Anonymous Observer: (There Is a Problem With This Session): No Errors This Time, But This Session Unaltered In General Is Probably a Reason to Tune Down Murder Mode JUST a Teeny Tiny Bit. And Could Fix Your Yellow Yards? Only the Killing Decisions Do Things.

    Huh, normally I try to make sure it's the players themselves submitting bug reports to me...but I'm not sure how they would even KNOW a bug this meta. Like, from the player's point of view, everything's probably fine, you know. If you chose to have them breed frogs or do hug bumps or whatever, they are going off to do it.

    Anyways, It’s the damn afterlife, I just KNOW it is. I feel it in my bones. The damn ghosts keep fucking with the timeline and changing things just enough that the time player goes off somewhere other than where WE go to view things (so the time player never shows up to do the Waste of Mind/Observer decisions). I’m on it.

    Whelp. That’s what I get for blaming all my problems on ghosts like a superstitious oldtimey dude. Looks like the problem is that after a yellow yard, the fucking BOSSES ARE SPAWNING DEAD. And OF COURSE when I tested, I apparently chose the least competent sessions in Paradox Space, so they hadn’t managed to really defeat anything so their session were going pretty much the same even after a reset. On a side note, it turns out the players COULD have submitted their own bug report..but I guess they decided that giant dead snakes spawning was a GOOD thing rather than something to bitch about. (I know *I* wouln't complain that I didn't have to fight a stupidly giant snake.)


    AB: Hey. Player survival just shot up to 95%.
    Shit. Sessions must be crashing as soon as they enter the Medium again.
    AB: I love how that's your first reaction. Not 'oh good, everyone is alive.'
    Well...do YOU think SBURB could produce those kind of numbers any other way?
    AB: Of course not. I just remember when you used to be optimistic.
    :\



    recursiveSlacker [RS] began pestering authorBot [AB]

    RS: Yo. AB. I got a question for you. Why are you always saying sessions you find have a numScenes value of zero? There's definitely more than zero.

    AB: As a flawless automaton, I can assure you that there are in fact zero scenes in those sessions.

    RS: No. There are way more scenes than that, AB.

    AB: ...

    RS: ...well?

    AB: ...have you tried turning your fragile organic eyeballs on and off again?

    RS: Fuck this.

    recursiveSlacker [RS] has ceased pestering authorBot [AB]

    recursiveSlacker [RS] is now pestering jadedResearcher [JR]

    RS: JR, AuthorBot is being difficult agaaaaaain!

    JR: Whoops, that's totally on me. Dear sweet precious sweet, sweet AuthorBot had to have her data gathering techniques upgraded. Turns out she was WAY over thinking what she needed to report back on, and it was gunking up the whole system. Looks like I left out some features in my zest to upgrade her. I'm on it.

  • Session: 3251055810 waltzingTenor: greetings. witch of time here. i did what you said and godtiered the maid of heart but when i got to the sacrificial slab there was already like a hundred godtier maids of heart there. pretty sure they were all doomed too. what the hell?

    Huh. Who would have thought a bug would be so...canon? Turns out that sprites were retaining information between timelines. While that wouldn't normally matter (the tight lipped bastards) apparently it occasionally was enough to throw the timeline off, like in your case. So, Observers were using my YellowYard to tell you to do the same thing over and over again, because from THEIR perspective, you weren't doing it. You were CORRECTLY traveling back in time to the right timeline (along with those 100 other Witches of Time with their own corpses to GodTier), while the Observers would fuck off and view a slightly different timeline where the sprites were just a haaair more smug than usual. And the Maid of Heart never god tiered.

    No wonder Hussie went out of his way to have only Sprites^2 have transtimeline knowledge, shit is a fucking headache.



  • Session: 222709893 stylishSewer: hi. So, normally I wouldn't complain, but it's starting to freak me out a little bit how perfect the Knight of Light's Corpse is at counterattacking? I mean, yeah, I probably would have died in that fight if that weren't a thing that was true....but...what the goddammit is going on?

    Huh. Apparently I don't let the dead attack, but the counterattack code assumed you had to be alive to be attacked. And that's simply not true for the corpses of Light players, who have to be in the spotlight even in death. What a weird friggin bug.

    Maybe once I implement Ironic Zombies I'll enable it for them?



  • you HASS the egg