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Bug Reports/Glitch FAQ

the most entertaining/fucked up things I've done in my quest to make the most stupidly complicated javascript program of all time.


(Links to sessions are for historical use only. If I've done my job, the bug won't be present anymore.)

  • Session: 33 reticentTeacher: *The furryocious Rogue of Heart bats at the tasty looking looking frog, but it doesn't move!* What is happurrening? The game was working pawsitively great until everything froze!

    Huh? Why are you talking like Nepeta if... Oh. Okay, now a better question is: If you ARE Nepeta, why is your chat handle wrong? And, I mean, I guess, why did your session freeze? Let's see...

    Okay...you're a scratch...your hair colors are all weird...and. Oh! Okay, got it! Guys. Did you not get the memo? (Wait, I forgot, nobody reads those things.) You're supposed to be roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls! Not some randos! And PART of roleplaying as the Alpha Trolls is making sure you have a Space and Time player! Sessions don't WORK without those things. ALSO: apparently getting 12 Nepetas to do anything is like herding cats (get it???) 'cause apparently you couldn't agree on who was the leader before entering the session, and that confused the HELL outta the ectobiology system.

  • Session: 159619996 kindredBiologist: uM...kNI6HT OF bREATH HERE, AND WHAT THE FRI66IN6 HELL? i DID ALL THOSE BULLSHIT LAND QUESTS, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT MY dENIZEN IS JUST...NOT EVEN THERE? mY CONSORTS WERE ALL ' YOU HAVE TO SAVE US OH VALIENT kNI6HT', BUT THERE IS NOTHIN6 TO SAVE THEM from AND i AM 6ETTIN6 TIRED OF THEM CONSTANTLY REMINDIN6 ME i HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE QUEST. wHAT 6IVES? mY BRO THE tHIEF OF lIFE 6OT TO SHUT their CONSORTS UP, BUT ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS ME. iT'S SO ANNOYIN6 i HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO THE lAND OF bREEZE AND fARMS IN DAYS.

    Wait. What? Oh. Fuck me. APPARENTLY, I decided to make denizen fights a once-a-session event. For SOME fucking reason. Your Thief of Life got the event, so then it was ineligible for anyone else. And...looking through my git records, this has been like that for-fucking-ever. What the hell, past me, why didn't you fucking NOTICE that denizen fights were fucking rare? Bluh. It's not even a 'once-in-a-thousand-sessions' bug. It literally happend EVERY SINGLE GODDAMNED TIME. Geez.

    But, uh. Yeah. It's fixed now. UNFORTUNATELY it has now come to my attention that denizen fights are just, like...WAY too fucking easy. 94% of sessions defeat at least one. Time to calibrate. Huh, lookit that now. Only 50% of session managed to beat their denizen. But that triples the god tier rate (gives players a new source of death besides just other players and Jack). Hurts the overall survival rate though. Eh, time to stop rambling.

  • Session: 125957 killerDevil: Knight o+f Do+o+m here. So+, when I s@y th@t h@ving o+ur Sp@ce pl@yer breed the go+dd@mned fro+g is the o+nly w@y to+ pro+tect o+ur sessio+n fro+m cert@in do+o+m, yo+u'd THINK peo+ple wo+uld LISTEN to+ me. But every time I pester the Thief o+f Sp@ce I get @ 'o+h, it's no+t time to+ do+ th@t, yet', until, big surprise, we h@d no+ fro+g fo+r the Recko+ning @nd we were @ll do+o+med. Fucking hell. This H@S to+ be @ bug. Fix it!

    You know, I HAVE noticed that a surprising amount of sessions just straight up have no frog at all. Like, not not ENOUGH frog, but 0% of a frog. (KR even quipped to me recently that the space player in a session they were debugging must have just been sitting around and eating chips). Looking into it...hrrm. It LOOKS like I'm locking out all players from doing their main quests in the begining. They are supposed to be enjoying the early game, doing bullshit puzzles and moon parties, not stressing out over the main quest, right? But SOMETIMES players never get out of the early game, which is to say, they never level up at all. Looking into it, the sidequests level up the player doing it, BUT NOT ANYONE WHO HELPS THEM. And apparently some players are passive enough to always be helping, and never be in charge. So you could get space players who never were a high enough level to even START frog breeding.

    Good news is it's fixed, and frog breeding should always at least start if the space player is alive and not just fucking around on the moon. Bad news is that somehow the Thief of Space in your session starting frog breeding made events spiral out of control until your leader forgot to do ectobiology. For...some reason. Sorry you ended up MORE doomed.

  • Session: 1025 arachnidsGrip: So. A corpse Knight of Time Time traveled into my house and kicked out my first guardian so he could jump (Acro8aticly too) in the kernel sprite.
    (At the same time:) arachnidsGrip:I gotta point out that 2 Knights of Time decide to join in the session just after we had killed the 8lack king.

    Huh, why did I get two messages from you at the same time??? Oh! That's right, that easter egg session has the same players pre and post scratch. I guess both Vriska's had some complaints. Let's see..

    Okay, PreScratch Vriska, gonna have to decalre that awesome. Of course, lively corpses are the Enemy, so I'll add a bullshit line about them only being 'mostly dead' or 'bleeding out' or whatever. You'd be amazed how acrobatic time players can be when they know that getting into that sprite is their only way to stave off death.

    PostScratch Vriska, it's totally not my job to make your time players actually competent. And for all any of us know, Dave had a really important timey-wimey reason for changing something at the last minute (and then apparently undoing his own change?). Or maybe Terezi convinced him to play a prank? Or was playing a prank on him? Who knows, man.

  • Session: 94234250 horrificReveler: oKaY. hOw iS It fUcKiNg fAiR ThAt i mUrDeR ThAt aSsHoLe, ThE MuRdEr mOdE SyLpH Of sPaCe, AnD ThEn tHeY LeVeL Up!? This game is bullshit. Nothing actually matters.

    Yeah, SBURB really IS bullshit. I guess that fighting you, even failing at it, was enough to push them to the next level? SBURB is notorious for letting non-living things level up, though (hats, safes, refridgerators), so a corpse leveling up isn't that surprising. Plus, if/when they revive, it'd make sense that the wouldn't have sudden amnesia of your fight, right? So experience gained is experience gained.

    Sorry SBURB being bullshit was enough to make you grimdark, though.

    you HASS the egg